I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize