They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
