Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
