I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
