Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
