I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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