This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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