i permit you to call me
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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