I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
