thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
