i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
