it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
