I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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