Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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