I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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