TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
