dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
