she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
