he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
