That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize