all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
