watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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