she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
