i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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