The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
