is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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