she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
