I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
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