U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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