My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
