if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
