My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
