shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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