Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
