How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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