Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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