my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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