Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
