note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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