I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
