Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
