He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
