The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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