why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
