To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize