Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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