i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
