Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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