yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
