she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
