omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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