Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I have fence marks all over my body
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
