So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
