I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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