do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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