You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
