my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
