There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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