My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
