The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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