I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
