i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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