no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
