Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He kissed a someone with a penis
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
