I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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