her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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