she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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