im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
There's always time for handjobs
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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