I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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