I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
