I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize