ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
