she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
and she was petting her beer can
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
