no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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