State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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