you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
