but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
