I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She told me I should be a condom model.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
