lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize