i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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