Having a random hookup so left but love u
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
