it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
