at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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