Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
