I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Every concussion has its silver lining
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
