My first STD was from a foam party
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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