I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
