When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize