Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
