is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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