maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
