he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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