Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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