So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
