careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
