census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
