Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
