I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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