Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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