Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
