Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
