hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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