I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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