Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
