I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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