And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
So squirting runs in the family.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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