So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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