i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
They have beer where we have blood.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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