I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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