i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize