I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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