my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
